Choices
by Fletset
Summary: It's a wedding day, but not everyone is happy. Slash.


**Disclaimer: **South Park is not mine, it belongs to those who created it.

**Author's Notes: **The idea for this story came from this letter I read in a newspaper… I'm sure that this man is not the first one that a thing like that happen to. Remember people, some people are like this…

Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.

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**Choices**

My love, we never celebrated anniversaries. Why is it that we need to celebrate a period of time? Because we managed to stay together despite of hardships? My love, the prize we both received and liked for our success to stay together was the fact that we _were _together. You had me and I had you and we couldn't ask for more. I know how long we were together. I counted every second, never believing that we were actually a couple. My love, we were together for exactly five years, three months, two weeks, three days, nine hours, four minutes and six seconds. And I would love to keep counting…

I was the happiest when I was with you. Nothing could get to me, I didn't give a shit about anything, for as long as I had you I felt perfect. I know that you never felt the same way. It always pained me, but I figured that someday you'll get over it and be as happy as I. But that day never came.

I know that you loved me, you told me that exactly one hundred times. For every time that you told me, I told you twice. I would never forget the times when it was just the two of us, walking along the beach and running in the waves, or sitting in your room and making love to each other. I would never forget your beautiful smile, the one that shows a perfect row of white teeth, shining at me from behind your lush lips which kissed me so passionately. I would never forget your eyes that are as blue as the storming sea or your hair that is as black as the feathers of a crow. I would never forget your strong hands that always wrapped me in a loving hug or your smell which could always calm my nerves. I would never forget your soothing voice or gentle touch. My love, I would never forget you.

You dated me behind her back. I don't think that she knows, even until this day. My love, you can't tell her, can you? I see it on your face right now. You're smiling, but there's no happiness. My love, your eyes are so sad…

Even when you dated her you always came back to me. I always took you back, I knew what it meant to you to be with her. You owed it to them, you owed it to yourself. You wanted to be normal, you didn't want to be looked down upon. You loved me, and you hated that fact. You couldn't stop loving me, and so you dated her, hoping that maybe it will make you normal again. But it didn't, and you always came back. I made you feel loved and tried to take all of your pain away, but you were never satisfied. You wanted to be accepted. My love, I didn't care. Not when you smelled of her or tasted like her or talked about her. I was just happy that you always came back.

I know that right now you want to look at me, to see through my eyes what I think. But you can't, because then they would get suspicious, and even if you could, you would have seen nothing but pain.

I don't feel bad for me, I feel bad for you. You stand there because you felt that you have to, no matter how many times I told you that whatever choice you'll make, it'll be the right one as long as it's what you want. My love, you don't stand there because you want to, you stand there because you have to. You made the wrong choice.

I didn't argue when you dated her, nor when you reeked of her or ditched me for her. I argued when you told me that you plan to marry her. My love, you broke my heart. You love _me_! How would you be able to spend years upon years with her and not with me? You wanted me to be your best-man. How could you ask that? You know that I can't tell you 'no'. I got to see you two from up close kissing each other and vowing to always stick together. I want to stand next to you instead of her, I want you to kiss me and not her. I want to spend a lifetime with you.

The ring is beautiful. My love, do you remember why you bought it? I spotted it and told you how beautiful it is. You bought it for her. I hold the two rings which are softly laid upon a purple pillow. I want to break it, I want to see it shatter under the sole of my black shoe and hear her scream in horror. I want you to return to me once again. But I can't let you down. This is what you want and I should respect that. Love is also about sacrifices, and this is mine.

When you say "I do", I feel the tears welling up in my throat. My love, this is the end for us, the end for you. What will you do from now on? What will you do when you look at the child you'll have, and the child will ask you if you love your wife, and you nod and say that you do, even if you don't. What will you do when your child will ask why you aren't looking at him in the eye when you say that? My love, what will you do when your child will get curious and ask you how he came into this world? Will you tell him that you thought about me while making him? My love, what will you do when you'll search for the green eyes or red hair on your child, but will only see black hair and her eyes? Will it hurt you? Will it make your heart wrench in your chest just as it is wrenching in my chest right now?

The priest happily tells you that you can now kiss the bride, and you oblige with no hesitation. I clench my hand into a tight fist. I want you to look at me while you kiss her. Look at me, Stan! But you close your eyes. I know that you are not happy. I wonder, is she feeling the same way as I felt when you kissed me? I hope not.

Do you know why it hurts so much? My love, you and I shared our first kiss at the exact same time, exactly five years, three months, two weeks, and three days ago. And it was the same day, too.

I wish that she would realize that you don't love her. Then you'll get divorced and you'll realize that your place was always by my side, because you love me and not her. My love, what will you do then? Look for another girl to marry or stay with me? What about your child, when he'll realize that his father lied to him all along?

Everyone is clapping with excitement, glad that the happy couple is together officially. I hear your mother crying behind me, and my lips quiver as a lone tear escapes my eye. I wipe it away quickly. My love, do you see me crying? Yes, you do… you look at me right now. My love, you look so sad. Come back and you'll be happy once again!

Someone taps on my shoulder in a friendly manner, causing a choked sob to escape from between my lips that are shut tight. He asks me why I am crying when even the father isn't. I tell him that I cry because I'm happy for you and he taps on my shoulder again and leaves. My love, you look at me. You heard what I said and I see your eyes shining with unshed tears. You want to hug me, but you can't, especially not today. My love, why can't we cry together?

They want me to speak in the party. What do they want me to say? I can lie and say how happy I am, how I knew that you two would finally get together in holy matrimony. I can't tell them that I don't want to speak, or else they'll think I don't care. My love, I stand there in front of the happy crowd and searching for you. You sit there, next to your bride, and you look straight at me. It's hard for me to see that you're so sad, it's hard for me to know that you won't be happy for a long time. I try to speak, but no words come out. What can I say? I say something quickly, I say that I'm happy for you and wish you two a long and happy life together. You hear it, don't you? The malice in my voice when I speak. Everyone claps when I finish my short speech, none of them noticed. Besides you. Is that why you aren't clapping? My love, we stare at each other, looking for answers and comfort. Do they notice my gaze? I'm smiling, they think that I'm looking at you because I'm happy for you. Will you be able to lie like me when you'll be showered with questions in the future?

Everyone is dancing and eating happily, even you. Kenny and Cartman both ask me why I only sit there sadly. My love, what can I tell them? I'm sick of lying, I don't reply.

My love, everyone left. It's just me and you now, standing in front of each other. You whisper my name and lift your hands so you could touch me. You stop. You want to kiss me, don't you? But you can't do it. She's standing there, talking with your parents. She could turn around at any time and see you. Let her see! Let her see and realize.

I smile and wish you luck. You can't stand it anymore and you hug me. You cry loudly on my shoulder. I see her running towards us, worried. She's asking what happened. I feel my own tears sliding down my cheeks and I sob quietly. My love, what do they think when they see us hugged like that and crying in each other's arms? They think that we're merely excited.

My love, the night is cold. I break down for the last time next to my car, the one that led us to so many wonderful places. Can you hear me crying?

I see you walking away, holding hands with your fresh bride, and I feel like someone stabbed me in the heart and one time wasn't enough for him. I watch as you walk to your decorated car, preparing to leave for your honeymoon or small apartment. What will you do when you'll see my clothes that I left at your place? If she asks you about them, what will you say? Will you remember me? Will you remember the wonderful times we shared?

I hope you will… because, my love, as I cry now I know that you will never return to me again.

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